It’s been 2 weeks and i haven’t posted about my experiences with the clinical psychologist. Or PTSD lady as I call her.
The problem is that I’m disassociating during my sessions, well kind of, I’m ‘there’ in the session but the second I leave the room I forgot/block out almost everything that has just happened. This is annoying and has been discussed with her, to the point of immediately after sessions i am now to sit and write what i can remember. She thinks it’s a coping stratedgy that’s gone a bit wrong, instead of only blocking out seriously harmful stuff it’s blocking out anything that results in some kind of emotional response. Hence the trying to write it down. I don’t think it would be found alarming apart from the fact that at the moment we are only discussing my behaviours and not the things that have lead to me behaving that way, that is we’re looking at the symptoms and reactional behaviours than the events that have lead to me be being the way I am.
oh i dunno. Guess, I just thought I should mention that. So if I manage to get anything written on pen and paper this week I’ll try and type it up here. Also I want/feel the need to write more about the rapes and not just the most recent one (see the short story that is an earlier entry) I also feel that to get truely over the most recent i need to look at the day with CASA (Care After Sexual Assault) and how that affected me, that it looking at the one and only time I reported a rape and what happened.
Anyway, I’m repeating myself I think, there’s just too much going around my head tonight.
love and hugs to you all xx
lettingtheinsideout 